Heartbroken...

To update all of you praying...Jacob Landon went to be with the Lord last night. Please keep Angie and Jose in your thoughts and prayers as they mourn yet another loss. You are loved so very much Jacob Landon, Mia Joy and your big angel brother Joseph...God speed little ones.

Heavy heart

My heart is SO very heavy tonight. I found out today that a dear online friend that I met after Jaxon passed has had her twins at around 24 weeks gestation. She has already lost his first son 6 years ago. Now her sweet twin daughter has gone to Heaven to join him and her twin son is fighting for his life in the NICU. Even though I hear devastating news like this way, way too often...it never gets any easier to swallow it. I hate that parents are living this nightmare EVERY SINGLE DAY. I hate it. What I hate even more is that someone as sweet as this has to go through this again. Wasn't the first time enough? Seriously, I hate this.

Hoping and praying for her darling son and mourning the loss of her precious daughter...all my love hun.

Cutest bum EVER...

On another serious note (haha), is this not the cutest little bum you have ever seen?
And yes I know the cloth diaper has almost everything to do with it. This is one of Kenzie's G-diapers with a Monarch ironed on the bum. It is absolutely my favorite! I was asked to give my feedback on my favorite cloth diapers and I'd say the G-diapers are my favorite because they are a little trimmer in the bum and more conveinent. I do like the Rumbarooz G1s with the velcro. The Rumparooz G2's are probably my least favorite because of their bulkiness. I am hoping they will fit her better when she is a toddler. The Bum Genius and FuzziBunz are somewhere in the middle.

Cloth diapering really isn't that bad. I thought it would start to be a lot of work, but it really isn't. I do about 2 medium loads of laundry extra a week. That really isn't that bad. I usually wash every 3 days. I line dry the covers (hang them over our doggy gates in the garage) overnight and they are ready by the morning. All my inserts get tumbled dry. I now started using cloth wipes and it is SO much better than the disposable wipes. Seriously, I can't stand using the disposables. They just more or less smear "it" around. The cloth wipes are so soft on her bottom (I am assuming here...it's not my bum) and they pick up so much more. Plus, no matter how dirty the mess is, it only takes one cloth wipe. I used an empty disposable wipe container, filled it with about 2 cups of cooled boiled water (to kill anything in the water), add a few drops of Tea Tree Oil, Lavender Oil, 2 small squirts of baby wash and a little baby oil. I stir it and then place my folded cloth wipes in there. It lasts me about a week before I need to redo it all. I just wash the wipes with the diapers...super easy and super cheap! Also, the Tea Tree Oil acts like a anti-fungal and anti-bacterial agent so she has had ZERO diaper rash! Oh and I can't forget to mention how yummy it smells too. When you are changing a diaper, a nice smell is a very welcomed thing!

Okay, I know you all want to see that cute bum again...so here you go!

Why...seriously WHY???

Can someone possibly tell me WHY some people think it is okay to take something that isn't theirs? WHY someone thinks it is okay to steal my dead son's pumpkin. WHY!?!? Remember this (click here) is what my little Harvest decorations for my trio used to look like...

Okay...I am done. Thanks. So, in a nutshell...Halloween was good, not ideal, but good. Monkey was still crabby from being sick and teething so I didn't even try to put on her costume. I just put her Halloween stockings and a bib on her, however she still was crabby. Earlier in the day we went to a pumpkin patch to take photos of Cassidy and Monkey, but again Monkey was in no mood for photos. Somehow, we got a few cute ones. DH got called into work (of course), but was able to get home in time for Trick or Treating with Cassidy. Monkey didn't last that late and was in bed by 7. Hopefully next year we won't be sick and people won't steal my baby's pumpkin.

For Mackenzie's Mommy

I saw this and RAN to get my camera...to your sweet Mackenzie. Double click on it to see it larger :)

Like mother...like daughter

It seems Monkey has a love and interest in butterflies too...like mother, like daughter....LOVE HER!!!
(and no it is not cold enough for her to be wearing a hat, but I just knitted it for our trip to Illinois/Iowa and she was trying it on. Now she needs a flower on top!)

For you Nan...

About 2 or 3 months ago, my neighbors vine (totally infested with aphids) was hanging over the wall between our homes. So, I cut off a piece hoping it would sprout and become healthy. Amazingly, it took root right away. I wondered what exactly the flower would look like, without being so sick looking. I knew it was purple, but really that was it. So, yesterday it finally bloomed. It is so healthy and so new looking. Nan, I immediately thought of you and your babies. So, this picture is for you Nan...much love.

My poor little monkey...

My poor little monkey...she now has a rash on her forehead and cheeks.


Seriously, this is the most awful part of being a mother is to watch your children suffer. I hate it. I hope this bug leaves our house soon. I think I am going to go to the doctor tonight once DH gets home. She went yesterday and is going back again tomorrow. BLEH!

On a side note...did you see my new button? I am finally getting better at making these. Not perfect, but better. Don't forget to grab one!

Quick Post - Been Booed FUN!

If you haven't heard of this, it is a bunch of fun. I started this on our street about 5 days ago and everyone is having a blast "Booing" eachother. Check it out!
http://www.beenbooed.com/

Anyhow...I am off to go back and rest. I believe our family has the Swine Flu. It is awful. Monkey had a fever all weekend long, along with a awful cough and dirreahea (cloth diapering has been put on hold!). I now feel awful, like my lungs are covered in glue and someone is standing on my chest. Thankfully no fever yet.

So, until I return go Boo someone!!!

I think butterflies love me...

So, today I released two more butterflies from the cage that I thought that no more would emerge from :) AND they were BOTH females!!! YIPEE!!! Well after I let the second one go, she wouldn't leave me. She flew over to me and landed on the front of my shirt then walked up to my shoulder and hung out (excuse my bra strap..sorry). She stayed there until I took her off and let her go again. This was Macey's butterfly remember from here? It just so happened I was wearing my Triplet Butterfly Wings shirt too. It was a butterfly moment...LOVED it.





There are a few possible surivors left from the group of catepillars I wasn't sure would survive. The rest (about 15-20) are unfortunately dead. Once I am sure no more will emerge I will clear them all out. In the new enclosure there are over 20 that are in chrysalis form now. I think most of them should make it. So, please spread the word of the free butterfly releases for angel babies. A new button for that site has been posted up top...free for the taking. I don't want any to get released undedicated. Thanks!

Sodium Polyacrylate

When I finally took the plunge into cloth diapering, it was most honestly to save money and well that whole 500 years in a landfill thing. That is it...I knew nothing else. Well, today I received the last of my cloth diapers in the mail. They came with some literature and well...it is sickening.

"Disposable diapers contain the super absorbent chemical, Sodium Polyacrylate, which has been linked to toxic shock syndrome. The same chemical was removed from tampons in 1985."

"Disposable diapers contain Dioxin which is a by-product of bleaching paper and the most toxic of all cancer-linked chemicals, according to the Environmental Protection Agency."

How in the world is this legal? Seriously, how is it?

So I am now even happier to report today was a 100% cloth day. The only disposable she wore was last night. I still need to switch over to cloth for bedtime, but I need to get a bit more comfortable with how it all works before I do. Today she wore her g-diaper. DH loves it because it is orange. I love it because all I do is replace a prefold in the cover for each change. Super easy. DH has yet to change a cloth diaper, but this weekend he will get his fair share. His face was priceless when I informed he that he will have to dump the solid waste in the toliet. LOL...this should be fun!

Super cute in her Rumparooz G2....

LOTS of stuff...including pictures!

Absent again...I know. It has been a busy week, emotionally and physically. Where to begin. I started going to a "Loss" group at my church. DH really wanted me to go (and signed me up). I know he did this because he sees my sadness and knew I wouldn't do it. The first meeting was last monday and I was unsure about the class. It is a general loss group, not an infant loss group which what I was looking for. Another woman in the group lost a grown adult child, but not an infant. Other losses in the group were siblings and parents. It is hard not to get caught up on how unfair it is that my little babies died...the ones that were only 6 and 89 days old. They never experienced life, they never got to feel the sun against their face, they never smelt good home cooking, they never got to watch cartoons, they never did anything but suffer. So, I do really like the ladies in the class, but the loss, my loss is so different. All losses are awful...but babies just shouldn't die. So, I am going to see where the class goes. I hope I can open up my heart a bit more. I guess I am just so deep in grief that I am a bit blinded. Working on it...

Another wonderful group of ladies (I have so many GREAT people in my life) came over for October 15th - National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Day. We lit candles, talked and painted some things for our babies. Love you gals. Thank you DH for babysitting the kiddos...you are the best...I love you.


We had a great Neighborhood Harvest Hang Out this last Sunday. Monkey dressed up as a spider and was adorable (like that is anything different). Cassidy was a Monarch butterfly :) and I was Marge Simpson (boy did that wig itch!).


And last but not least...monkey is now sporting cloth diapers. Half of you are probably thinking...why in the world are you doing that? The other half are probably thinking...what took you so long? Well, after much thought I finally took the plunge. Knowing it takes 500 YEARS for a disposable to biodegrade in a landfill makes me sick to my stomach. And well also it is much cheaper to cloth diaper than it is to buy disposables. It costs at between $600 - $1000 a year to use disposables while it costs about $200- $300 total (for several years) to cloth diaper. We have at least another year and a half until she will be potty trained so at a VERY minimum $900 vs $200 is a no brainer. Currently our stash of cloth diapers is on the small side, but I am learning what works and what doesn't. These are the brands we are trying out: Bum Genius (which she is wearing in the pic), Fuzzi Bunz, Rumparooz, Haute Pockets and G-diapers. I love to save money! And look how cute she is in them...LOVE THAT LITTLE MONKEY!!!

The highs and lows of raising Monarchs

To my surprise we have had about 5 or 6 emerge in the last week. Some were healthy, some were not. We even had quite a few females emerge which was nice because it seemed that before that it was only males. It has been raining here for 2 days (which makes my lawn and I so very happy), but definitely not favorable conditions for releasing butterflies. So, this morning I have spent it trying to make an area for the released butterflies to feed without getting soaked. And while I was rearranging things I found two additional chrysalis. In our yard it is known you do not pick up anything without first examining it. You never know if there is a catepillar there finding it's special place. They will inch their way clear across the yard to find it. I have no idea how they move that far without getting squished by our three dogs or us.

The highs...
The area I made for the butterflies to hide out from the rain. It is complete with a cotton ball filled with sugar water.
The female that emerged this morning. She is drying her wings from the rain.
Another surprise chrysalis that I noticed a few days ago. It looks very healthy and should emerge in the next few days.
Two surprise chrysalis that look very healthy :)

The lows...
This poor guy emerged today and obviously is VERY infected with the OE spore. I euthanized him shortly after this photo was taken :(

I love this guy...

Finally some emerged...

A few butterflies made their appearances over the last few days. A few additional ones came emerged and had to be euthanized shortly after due to deformaties. However, I am happy that at least we got a few healthy ones. For some reason they are mostly males....don't know why.

Catepillars - starting over

So since I haven't had any butterflies emerge since my last post about them I decided to just cut down the milkweed and start over. That milkweed was just too infected with the OE spore to save it. This means that any eggs on there will either not hatch because the plant is dead or the catepillars will hatch but soon die because there isn't any food. All the catepillars that were on there I removed. I seperated them into two batches based on their overall apprearance. Anyone that was sickly looking or had diarrhea butt (as I call it) got placed on some milkweed that was somewhat near the one I just cut down. I am sure it too is heavily infected. Maybe not as bad, but definitely infected. I don't think any of those catepillars will make it anyway, but I am torn as to whether I should euthanize them as catepillars or not. The healthier looking catepillars were placed onto a different milkweed plant clear across the yard from the others. So, they haven't been protected from the tachnid fly or the wasp for several days. I am sure we have lost some to those, but keeping them on that one milkweed was no longer an option. DH is in the process of constructing me another (but smaller) catepillar cage to place over that one bush with the healthier catepillars. Once I am certain the ones already in chrysalis form in the larger cage are indeed dead, I will need to clear them out and disinfect it thoroughly. I hope this works. I hope the "healthier" ones survive. I hope my butterflies make their return. I hope. I hope. I hope.

The tachnid fly already deposited an egg into this guy. You can see the scar mid way down his body. Double click on any photo to enlarge it.

The sickly ones...covered in their own poo :(

One of the healthier looking ones...still vibrant colored...munching away.

Look what I can do...

I can get onto all fours by MYSELF and rock back and forth to music (or to my mama's singing, but I prefer the music)!



Monkey has a new trick and she is starting to show it off more and more. This is like her unassisted sitting, meaning it should have happened a month or so ago. Regardless, we are proud and so thrilled she is making progress!


I can feed myself (and make a mess)...



(mom loves it when I smile like this. It makes her laugh so hard)

Avocados, tofu and cheese are some of my favorites!

Well I FINALLY received word from the Children's Hospital of Los Angeles (genticist) regarding Kenzie. She got DENIED! The insurance approved her to be seen, but the doctor decided not to take her case. I asked why and was told it wasn't listed (yeah right) but to call her referring doctor to inquire the reason. Ummm...her referring doctor is the one that referred her. Geez....this just INFURIATES me. Her referring doctor (orthopedic surgeon) referred her because "her limbs are significantly shorter than I'd like to see". She has delayed motor skills, her head is on the larger side, she spent 11 days in the hospital which is surprising for a 36 weeker...ALL of which why she was referred to a geneticist...AND SHE GOT DENIED. Did I mention that I am pissed off???



Ahhh....that makes things better.

A contest...

Okay not my contest...cause well I have nothing to give away, but my love which you all already have. It is a contest on another blog. Please go check it out and enter (don't forget to mention in your comment that Rachel M. from Triplet Butterfly Wings sent you). I believe there is another Rachel referring people over there. Monkey needs herself a cute hat!

http://polhamusfam.blogspot.com/2009/10/time-for-another-contest.html

Thanks!

I have some pictures to post tomorrow...promise.

B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L

More to come tomorrow, but for now...I am in LOVE all over again.

Frustrated with mother nature

Survival of the fittest...is a crock of you know what. This last batch of catepillars are not doing too well...AT ALL. I am frustrated that they aren't surviving because of the Ophryocystis elektroscirrha spore (OE Spore). I have researched all that I can about it and unfortunately I alone can not change things. I mean I could seperate each catepillar/butterfly into their own enclosure, purchase a microscope, take a scale sample of each butterfly that emerges, examine the slide of scales from each and every butterfly. I could then euthanize each butterfly that has the parasite. I mean cause I alone have the time to do this to EACH AND EVERY ONE...yeah right. Not to mention have the money to have enough enclosures to seperate them. And then after ALL of this I would have to hope that any wild Monarchs don't infect my milkweed with more parasitic spores. I have sadly euthanized plenty of infected butterflies...but this is just ridiculous.


So, I think this batch is a goner. For every one that emerges, TEN die. A few from the tachnid fly, but most from the EO parasite spore.

Is this what is supposed to happen? I mean if I weren't "raising" them they would get it anyways, right? Should we intervine or let the survival of the fittest happen? I do not know the right answer, but I am frustrated that I continue to lose them one after another after another (feels like dejavu). I feel all my work is for nothing. I can't release butterflies for angels if they don't stop dying. Death sometimes just SUCKS.

All three of my queen catepillars have made their chyrsalis. I am just hoping and praying they survive. I won't know for another few days if they dodged the bullet...only time will tell.

FRUSTRATED.

ANNOYED.

TIRED.

BLAH.

Kenzie 9 months!

Kenzie had her 9 month check up yesterday. It went pretty well. Her doctor seemed just as much annoyed as we are that she still has not seen the geneticist. We are still waiting for the hospital to make her appointment. Her referral and paperwork have been there for 2.5 months now. RIDICULOUS. Anyhow, everything else seems good with monkey. She is 26.5 inches long (25th percentie) and weighed 15 lbs 1 ounce (4th percentile). So she is still a little pea, which is fine by me. Her head is still on the larger side, 50th percentile, but her doctor assured me it is still normal. She just must be super smart. Her iron and lead levels tested normal...I am glad to know I am not providing her lead to chew on. She is still toothless, but her bottom middle two are right there. I suspect and hope they will come through within the next week. And that is about it. We are going back in a week or two to get her a flu shot (the regular one, not the h1n1 shot). Short and sweet...just like this little one of mine...

It isn't right...

It isn't right to put out autumn decorations when it is in the 90s and we have to put the A/C on. But I guess what isn't right even more is that I bought 3 little pumpkins that will never get carved.

Caulifower

Can you believe it? Monkey likes, maybe loves, caulifower. Just the smell of it makes my stomach turn, but not her. That is another benefit of making your own baby food. Monkey gets to try all sorts of food that are not offered in commercial baby food. It was time to make more food yesterday so, I added to my list: mangos, papaya, kiwi, cauliflower and asparagus. So far she has tried the kiwi and now the cauliflower. We will have to wait a few days to try another new one. I love you monkey...

Physical and Occupational Therapy

Monkey finally started PT/OT last week. She has been seen 3x a week so, after today's visit she will have had 6 sessions. She gets a total of 15 hours per month and because we started Sept half way through they are trying to use all the hours in just 2.5 weeks. That works for us! I really think it has helped starting with her sitting up on her own. Her hamstrings and back are very tight so, they have shown me exercises and stretches to do with her.
We also began massaging her everyday. I do these things with her several times a day for short amounts of time. Her left side is also weaker than the right, but she is getting better using it. Go monkey go!

What's different???

Can you tell what is different about these two pictures?


The catepillars finished off all the milkweed in the cage. So, we had to move it over the two that are left. Boy was that a challenge lifting it with DH (it is heavy), without hurting the catepillars/chrysalis that are hanging. I have no idea what we will do when those two plants are gone too. Give them a week and nothing will be left. They love to eat. We have the milkweed against the house, but the cage will not fit over it.

Here are some other catepillar photos...




Ready to emerge...
This little one didn't make it :(

A newly formed chrysalis (to the right)

It's getting crowded up top...

Macy and Caleb

Anyone watch The Biggest Loser? I LOVE that show. I love how it changes peoples lives. I love cheering on the nice people and hoping the mean ones get sent home. I know...childish, but I love it. I have never had a weight problem, but still feel so much for these people. This season though took me to a whole new level when one of the contestants shared her story on why she has gained so much weight. Abby Rike lost her husband, Rick, 5-year-old daughter, Macy, and 4-week-old son, Caleb, in a car accident. In an instant her family was gone. I lost some of my family...but not all of them. I didn't have the same problem of gaining weight but the complete opposite. I was so depressed I couldn't eat and went down well below 100 lbs in the months after their birth. Different problem, but same cause. Taking care of yourself just doesn't matter when you are at such a low. You don't even think about it. You just do what you can to survive the next day, the next minute, the next second. Last night when she was on the phone she commented how two butterflies fluttered past her and she started to cry. I don't know her, I can't do anything to take her pain away, but I can release butterflies...and that I will do. I am adding her children and her husband to my list of waiting to be released. I know she won't ever see them or know that someone sent off 3 butterflies for her, but that is all I can do. I really hope some start to emerge healthy. A few more died today. Oh God please send me some healthy butterflies...

A new butterfly surprise...

Butterfly releases have been slow to happen. Two have died...one to the tachnid fly, the other to the parasite spore. I moved the cage so I wouldn't have to move each catepillar one by one to new milkweed. We ended up just placing the cage over the milkweed that is not potted, but growing right in the ground. It took a bit of work to even out the ground, remove a rose bush and place some pavers in where the rose bush was. However, in the end it is working out much better. Now I just need to be able to get better pictures. For the first time, the milkweed is attracting SO MANY flies (see my fly traps to the right of the picture - YUCK). So, I have to open the cage only before dusk when most of the flies are gone. If they get in the cage they will lay eggs (maggots) into the rest of the catepillars thus killing them. However, by me waiting for that long the butterfly is SO ready to fly that taking his/her picture is nearly impossible. Two have been released without me able to get proper photos. Any ideas???

After it all...I did get two done (both males) - Alex and Ryan.

So now for the surprise...I found a NEW catepillar on the milkweed. After some researching I figured out it is the Queen butterfly. I am so excited. So far, I have seen 3 little instars. Here is a photo I took of a Monarch catepillar next to one of the Queens. Double click it to see it better.

FINALLY...

FINALLY monkey started to sit unsupported. Remember her trying it here? I guess better late than never. I believe because her torso is so out of proportion to her short legs that it has been difficult for her to hold up all that weight. She was too top heavy in a seated position. But now look at her...GOOD JOB my little monkey.

Strawberries never looked so good!

Broken? Who said what was broken?

Jaxon went under the knife...okay I mean under the super glue, puddy and paint and turned out WAY better than I thought he would. It took me about 2 hours to complete it. It took some time to figure out where all the small slivers fit together, then I fought with the super glue and then I placed puddy in the holes that were left open. Finally, I whipped together some colors from my outdoor paint stash and he was good as new. I moved them since we are having family over this weekend. I always fear someone will knock them over....I think I need to be more fearful of myself :)

BEFORE his makeover:
(his wing and face parts are at the lower right side)

AFTER his makeover:
(after he got puddied)

(after paint)
(their new hang out)

My best friend...the crockpot

I HATE to cook. I mean come on, what is possibly enjoyable about crying as you cut onions or in my case usually my fingers. Just not my thing. I am sure I could do it if I took the time, but like I mentioned before I HATE to cook. So, me and the crockpot are getting quite close. Here is a pot of Chicken tortilla soup that turned out fabuolous if I don't say so myself.



Ingredients:
2 chicken breasts (frozen no less!) - I shredded them once they were cooked
1 box of chicken stock
1 can of diced seasoned tomatoes with juices
A bunch of chopped tomatoes from my garden
2 diced banana peppers from my garden
pepper to taste*
4-5 cloves of minced garlic
1/2 onion chopped
creole seasoning to taste*
garlic powder to taste*
taco seasoning to taste*
1 can of black beans (drained/rinsed) - added about 1 hour before it is done. I am sure whole uncooked beans could be added in the beginning. I was just out.
2 green zuchinni, sliced

Once placed in bowls, top with some shredded cheese, broken tortilla chips and diced avocado.

I cooked it on high for 2 hours, then put it on low for about 4 hours. I would think 8 hours on low would work too. Yes, Jenny I will help you with this one...come on over :)

*Sorry for all the "to tastes"...I just kept adding here and there until it tasted good.
EASY and DELICIOUS!

A new little visitor

I saw this little butterfly feeding on our milkweed. How cute is s/he? It was a tiny little thing. I finally found out it was the California Grey Streak butterfly. I guess the catepillars are quite destructive to bean crops. However, I do not grow beans...so I love him/her!

My mother has been staying with Kenzie and I this weekend so the boys could get away for a few days. It was a very productive weekend organizing the garage, gardening and thoroughly cleaning the butterfly cage out. We have 51 catepillars and 12 eggs in the "nursery" (a small tupperware container). Oh boy, things are going to start to really get busy now! Releases should begin in about a week!

Thank you Ruth...

To one of my greatest volunteers at Triplet Butterfly Wings...thank you!!! Look at all the beautiful knitted micro preemie hats I received. This is her third shipment to me. You are so kind to help out this very needed cause. I need to get sewing to get the wraps done to match. Thanks sweetheart!!!

LONG overdue Kenzie update

Monkey is doing quite well. She is fastly approaching 16 lbs. She laughs out loud all the time to show off her still toothless grin. She is ticklish under her arm pits, her neck and her chunky thighs. She is such an easy baby. She hardly ever fusses or cries. She goes down for naps and bedtime without any help from me. She takes 2 - two hour naps a day and sleeps 12 hours at night. She, I fear, is on a nursing strike, because she isn't loving the boob so much these days. It is all about the solids...I have been replaced :( ...She LOVES her solid foods. She has had beef, chicken, pork, ham steak, zuchinni, broccoli, squash, green beans, peas, carrots, apples, pears, apricots, peaches, blueberries, yogurt, sweet potatoes, lentils (one of her favorites). I am sure there are more, but I can't think of any more right now. I make all her food except for the yogurt and carrots. I hate to cook, but really enjoy doing that for her. Although it is safe to say that we no longer have use of our freezer. Between her baby food and the frozen breast milk any extra space is rare. She also is getting to be quite a pro with her sippy cup. Warning...homemade blueberries are very messy and stain!

Monkey is doing better with her gross motor skills. She is still delayed but is moving forward and not backwards and that is all we can ask for. She rolls everywhere and does it to get toys now. She is still not sitting up unsupported or pushing up onto all fours. She is finally putting some weight onto her feet, but not for long periods of time. I think she has hip problems because she always screams when the doctors touch her hips and she doesn't like to put weight on her legs/feet. I think it hurts her. We have been in the process in getting her into physical therapy for sometime now. It is taking a lot longer than we had anticipated. It has been over 2 months since we were referred. Hopefully, her first session will begin next week.

Her geneticist consult is STILL being "reviewed" by the doctor. I have called several times and after 4 weeks of it being "on the doctor's desk" her file is now being "reviewed" by a different doctor. So, we now have to wait ANOTHER 4-5 weeks for someone to call us. I am sure it then will be a month or so wait to get an appointment and then a month or so to get test results. SO, hopefully we will have some anwers ummmm...in FEBRUARY. SO FRUSTRATING....

This is what monkey looks like EVERY time I go into her room to get her up. I wish I woke up this happy everyday!

Broken

Yesterday as I tended to my catepillars, changing out their potted plants, I knocked over my Jaxon statue. I would place one of my three angel statues in there for photos for the butterfly releases. Well, he did a face plant onto the concrete which broke his face and one wing. I want to cry. I received these from my mom after Jaxon passed. His was different and larger because he was almost 5 lbs when he passed away. Ughhh...I feel sick to my stomach. Tonight me and the super glue have a date. His face broke off in tons of tiny slivers though so I am scared to see the finished product. It, I fear, will always look broken...which I guess fits because it matches my heart.

So, back to the releases and my big announcement. Regardless of my Jaxon mishap, I am going to continue my releases and started a new blog for bereaved parents to view them. I have been blessed with these beautiful creatures and will donate them free of charge. However, now I decided that I am not going to place my beloved triplets statues in there. I will take one picture of the butterfly and post it. I think I need to get a poster of flowers though and place it on the outside of the cage. Rearranging potted flowering plants for photos is too difficult. I wonder if they make those, you know like they do for aquariums...hmmmm. Anyway, bereaved parents can also write a little something to their angel(s) that I will add under the photo and they can right click the photo to save/print it. This way I will be able to do more releases. They are so time consuming, but I hate releasing them without a dedication. I always come back to these feelings. These are two of my greatest passions, to help others going through this awful journey and to keep Jacoco's memory alive. The blog still needs some major work and will change within the next few weeks, but for now this will have to do. I currently have 7 chrysalis and about 13 catepillars. My next release should be in about a week. If you want to request a release PLEASE follow the directions on the Butterfly Release blog, NOT on here. The requests will be closed once all the catepillars are "spoken for". They will reopen once I have more. I figured I'd let my blog readers get first dibs on the current batch! Thanks for keeping up with me...

Macey Marie

Please join me tonight in rememberence of Macey Marie. Please light a candle at 6:10 pm (Pacific time) in memory of this beautiful little angel. I have had the pleasure of meeting her mommy, daddy and twin brother after my trio passed. Michele was one of many that always gave me comfort with her emails and kind words as I endured that very awful transition from a mother to a bereaved mother.

Macey Marie...you will never be forgotten and will always be missed...